Eat til you’re full, then drink some more.
If you’re a drinker, the all inclusive place is your paradise. If you’re a gluttonous eater, the all inclusive place is your paradise. If you’re neither, watch out, because the above groups, most likely overlapping in many instances, will run you over trying to get more of their vice. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week any and all food and drink needs are met. Anytime, anywhere. In the pool, swim up to the bar and get a drink, walk ten steps away from a buffet and there’s a cart with more food, don’t feel like moving at all, someone will bring you anything you want. The mini bars, take what you want, room service at 4am, they’ll be right up.
The main establishment to stuff your face is of course the buffet. Eating at the buffet is really the truest game of survival. It’s all you can eat and as soon as something runs low, there’s someone there to fill it back up to Mayan sized proportions; yet even though the food is never ending, everyone feels the need to run to the line and elbow people out of the way while piling more and more on their plates. The best I saw was steak on top of pizza on top of salad on top of jello on top of various pieces of fruit, truly a miraculous combo. And the place is almost always open. Hungry, step in and grab something. It’s a house refrigerator with more food…and with people in flip flops and bathing suits.
The staple of any buffet is the omelette station in the morning, the carving station in the afternoon. It’s just a place where a line will actually form because you’re not getting something out of a silver tray, it’s actually something being tailored for you. The longer the line, the more there are people who will try and cut; and I encountered them all. The first is the 4 year old kid that elbows you in the balls as he cuts in front of you in the omelette line. There are some that might consider it cute, I’m not one of them. The next kind of line cheat is the old person who fake wanders to the front of the line pretending that they’re lost; oh so precious, not to me. But the one I hate the most is the vapid woman with the fake boobs and tan, texting as she goes to the front of the line. The Kardashian wanna be is the one I’ll force to the back of the line, playing the odds that her boyfriend is some old sugar daddy rather than the Mr Universe winner who just ordered 40 egg whites.
Of course, there are people who will not opt for the buffet during the daylight hours so there are are a multitude of sit down restaurants which basically serve a basic variation of the same thing. Hamburgers, chicken, tacos, quesadillas they all had it all, at every sit down restaurant. I’m convinced there’s one giant kitchen pumping out the food which is then shuttled to the various sit down cafes where people are ready to eat their fifth meal of the day.
Now, dinners are when you get to try the restaurants. Italian, Mexican, Steakhouses, Japanese, Chinese, you want it, they have it. Highlights of those nighttime meals included slabs of beef at the Brazilian steakhouse, more slabs of beef and our first non-included glass of wine, at the non-Brazillian steakhouse; grasshoppers and tequila tasting at the Mexican restaurant; and of course in the fine style of Benihana, the last meal would be Japanese hibachi. Now for kids still in the single digits it’s an amazing show with a guy who juggles knives, makes an onion volcano and throws food at people’s mouths when they have no chance of catching it. For me it means, a table with strangers, usually with one kid who is screaming their head off because they’re terrified of the whole thing, a missed piece of broccoli that hits me in he eye and of course the inevitable getting sick all night from the 50 pounds of butter they use to cook each meal. I’m happy to report, that I didn’t hit the trifecta…the broccoli actually landed in my mouth.
Now I left the drinking to last because there’s nothing much to say. It starts at breakfast with the giant bottle of vodka next to the orange juice and ends with bars spaced 10 feet apart. The only thing I didn’t see were drinks being administer intravenously, but then again I probably didn’t look hard enough. If you drink, you’re covered. And then you’re covered again, and again, and again. That is after you have your tenth piece of cake.
#50goingon14 #buffet #mexico #insangucafe #allyoucaneat #allyoucandrink
Eat til you’re full, then drink some more.