Warning – This story is dirty. If anything about sex offends you, please don’t read on; but then again, if anything about sex offends you, I doubt you would’ve ever stumbled across anything of mine in the first place.
My formative years were in the late 70’s, early 80’s. It was hard time being a teenage boy, especially a nerdy, teenage boy, more especially, a needy teenage boy who was kinda chubby. Girls weren’t really into you and you didn’t have the internet as a fall back position. Going to an all boys prep school didn’t make matters any better; there weren’t even girls you could look at. Your imagination and a few dog eared magazines were all you had. It was a rough existence. Then, one day, lighting struck, like manna from heaven it appeared, the drive-in movie theater a few miles away began showing x-rated movies. Real sex, on a screen, but not just any screen, a drive in screen which made things even more magnified. I had to get there, I had to see them, it was my mission.
If I had put as much time in my school work as planning this mission, I would’ve gotten into Harvard. This, my friends, was no ordinary bike ride. It was a corn field where the stalks had been taken down, so now it was just acres upon acres of open space; with the exception of the start of a woods off to one side. A long two landed semi paved road cut everything in half. And in the middle of it all was the giant screen, visible for all the eyes to see. Maps were drawn of the immediate area to plan both the attack and escape routes. Weeks of reconnaissance missions took place to determine the actual best vantage point to see the whole screen. Finally, things were set.
Now to pick a time, a night where we wouldn’t be missed for a couple of hours. Yes, I recruited a friend for this mission. He, like me, had no chance of even meeting a girl so he was all too willing to come. We decided, a Friday, many others at a dance or other parties, we were missing Dallas. We dressed in black, mounted our stylish ten speeds and headed off to movie paradise. With the darkness all around us, the ride seemed to go on forever, and then finally as all hope seemed lost we came over a hill, and saw a light. So, there we were, men, well boys, dressed in black riding along a lonely road two land road with a giant set of cleavage leading the way.
We made it. It almost seemed too easy, like we were being set up. Who cared, we were there. We threw our bikes into the ditch by the side of the road and covered them with straw. Everything was going perfect. And then, the mad dash into the field. I have never been blessed with speed, but on that night I covered that 100 yard sprint like an Olympic champ. Finally, we came to rest, in the middle of a huge barren field with nothing to cover our whereabouts. Laying low, we looked up and there she was, a giant women getting ready to take off her clothes; and unlike a magazine, she was moving. It was a paradise, well except for the occasional cow shit which was not part of the plans. But again, who cared, she was almost naked.
And then, three minutes later, disaster struck. Not only was she still not naked, but I looked back to see flashing lights in the direction of our bikes. In our haste, the reflectors on our bikes gave us away. All that planning, and now this. We were busted. A broad searchlight covered the field, but somehow missed us lying among the cow pies. Could we have caught a break? I didn’t breath. I didn’t dare look up at the screen for fear of my reaction to a giant naked lady. It was face down in what I hoped was dirt. After what seemed like hours, the searchlight was off and the flashing lights went away. She was just about naked, but we still hadn’t seen anything, should we tempt fate? No way, it was time to make a getaway. Amazingly, the run back to the bikes was even faster than the sprint there. My partner in crime mounted his bike, and as we planned was off to the woods to lay low. I too began to pedal furiously, but got no where. It was then I noticed the straw in the spokes which prevented my wheels from turning. I was going no where. And then things got brighter, it wasn’t the sex on the screen, but the return of the flashing lights. No way I was going down like this. The woods were right there. I picked up my bike and began to run. It was valiant, but 10 ft into my getaway the cops had me dead. I was a goner, busted, ready to be booked, questioned, fingerprinted, strip searched and denied admission to college based on something other than my shitty GPA. I was ready to ask for my lawyer or more likely ready to cry, but then a miracle.
“What were you doing?”
“Ummm, watching the movie.”
“What happened to your friend.”
“His bike didn’t break”
They laughed and told me to go home and not come back; and they screamed it loud enough so my missing friend would hear it too. And then they were off. As I started carrying my bike the five miles back to campus I heard rustling. Was it a bear, a cow, no, just my friend who was coming out of the woods carrying his bike. Apparently there was a swamp in the wooded area and he had to good fortune to ride directly into it. Soaked from head to toe, we were quite a pair. As we prepared for our walk back, I turned one last time to see a giant breast staring me in the face.